Dinner with My Ex
September 4, 2010 § Leave a comment
Yep. That’s right. I went out with my ex-husband tonight. Well, I guess he’s not TECHNICALLY my ex-husband yet because we haven’t bothered getting a divorce, but still. Anyways, this is actually kind of a normal occurrence. A lot of my friends work funky work schedules and both of us wanted Olive Garden, so we went. He’s pretty much my go-to guy when I need someone to go out with to dinner or drinks because it’s not cool for a chick to go to the bar by herself, although I wish it was.
It was really enjoyable, minus the relatively crappy waitstaff. We mostly talked about football, which isn’t a change from what we talked about when we were together, and I got caught up on the goings-on with the kids and all the baby mama drama. And religion came up, as it seems to be doing quite often lately. I somehow got him back into Catholocism by making him go to midnight mass on Christmas the first year we were dating because I’d never gone and wanted to check it out (plus there wasn’t shit else to do) and now he’s gung ho. Luckily, he’s not one of those preachy types.
It was strange how open I was to talking about it. Usually I shut it out and find something else to pay attention to because I’m rude and he is very long-winded, but I found it interesting. Apparently the Catholic church will shortly be returning to a more “formal” way of doing things, like actually translating the prayers correctly instead of loosely, which is cool. And of course, we had to rip on the “hippie churches” that are all about the he/she/it god and hugging and flautists and stuff. Haha. I guess you could say I’m more of a traditionalist when it comes to Catholic mass.
That’s not really the point of this entry, though. The point is that I’m glad to have my friend back. Marriage fucked it up.
We were never really right for each other and I think we both knew it from day one, but that desperation and “oh hey, this person actually likes me” factor played a huge part in it. We could tolerate each other even though we had next to nothing in common (including not even being born in the same decade; he’s 12 years older) and I wanted to get married and I think his grandparents were hinting along the lines of him settling down, so it just worked. His twin daughters played a role in me sticking around for as long as I did, too, but that’s a convoluted entry for another day.
There were so many fights leading up to the marriage, we were already in couples’ counseling (and not the mandated stuff by the church, either), and we were barely ever in the same room as each other. I know that my mom knew that it wasn’t going to work because she constantly asked me if I was sure that I wanted to do this and I kept insisting that I did even though my heart was screaming “no”.
I don’t regret it, though. You live and you learn. I don’t think I’d be where I am today if it didn’t happen and even though I may feel like offing myself some days, usually due to finances, I’m pretty happy with where I’m at. I’m now in a great relationship, albeit long distance, I have my best friend and her fiance as housemates, and I’m friends with my ex again. Oh, and of course, my super awesome 14 year old puppy.
It’s nice to not have to pretend to make a relationship work. It was taxing and I couldn’t do it any more. We were opposites when we met and it only became more glaringly obvious as time went on and we both developed our own interests. I’m a realist and he’s a dreamer, I prefer to stay rooted in the here and now and he likes dressing up like Dr. Who guys and pretending to be them (super weird, I know). But we get along great as friends. My family and I still get to see the kids, he’s around when I need the dog to get to the vet but have to work, and I think we both enjoy each other’s company now that we can just be ourselves without having to worry about how the other person wants each other to be.
Plus the new guy and I are way more compatible in every way. 😛